Damn! Everyone's getting it on but me!

Kobi is suffering. In fact, Kobi will continue to suffer for almost two weeks.

Why, you ask.

Let's just say it's a cruel law of nature. Make that two cruel laws of nature.

Firstly, Snowie is in heat. Damn, da pheromones are in the air baby! This is all new to Kobi. Last time round, when Kobi saw Poppy and Snowie getting it on, Kobi was a small boy and Kobi's nose was not as finely tuned to all these little airborne chemicals. Now, Kobi is a hormone-ragin' horny teenaged dog, and he wants some action!

Secondly, and most unfortunately, Kobi is not the alpha male. As much as Kobi challenges Poppy, Kobi has won just a few battles but never the war as it turns out. Because why? Snowie is the one who decides, it seem! And Snowie will not let Kobi bonk her. Snowie will only let Poppy bonk her!

REOW!! REOW-REOW!! KOBI IS VERY ANGRY!!!

Kobi keeps trying to hump Snowie, but Snowie will bark and growl very fiercely at Kobi! Kobi will get angry at Snowie and bark back! Sometimes Kobi and Snowie fight violently.

Kobi is very unfulfilled! Kobi is very frustrated!! Kobi cannot sleep! Kobi has to keep watching Snowie in case Poppy gets Snowie, which Poppy does anyway, day and night, night and day, day in and night out! And Kobi will protest by barking very loudly at them.

Kobi finds it very unfair! Kobi doesn't know why he cannot get any action!

Kobi is so repressed Kobi's whole body trembles!

Kobi is very angry that Poppy has taken to being passively territorial. Poppy will sleep in the same crate as Snowie every day. When Kobi goes near the crates, Snowie or Poppy will growl menacingly. Kobi feels unwanted and left out. Kobi will crouch tremblingly two feet away from the crates, since Kobi is not allowed to go near. Kobi will stay here and keep an eye on those two carnal canines in coition.

Kobi is so tired. Sometimes as Kobi tries to keep an eye on Snowie, Kobi will fall asleep. It starts with one heavy eye closing, then the other. But the moment Poppy makes a move, Kobi is alert and watching again! Nothing escapes the notice of Kobi!! *trembles violently*

Kobi does not even dare to eat much. When Kobi slinks off to eat, Kobi worries that Poppy is making a move on Snowie, and quickly Kobi goes back to watching Snowie. Sometimes when Snowie cannot tahan the hunger pangs anymore and goes to eat food, Kobi will P O U N C E on Snowie! KAWABUNGA!!!! And try to hump. But even with a mouthful of food, Snowie can turn back and bare her food-filled fangs at Kobi with a sinister growl.

Over the next two weeks, Kobi will be increasingly problematic, making a lot of noise at all times of the day. Usually Kobi's urges kick in at 3am, and early in the morning again at 9am. During these times, Kobi will make a lot of barking or loud whining noises. And Snowie will reciprocate with even fiercer growls. Poppy will also join in. They are ganging up against Kobi!!

And because of the noise, Mommy does not get enough sleep. Daddy is in China again, and it is left up to Mommy to bear with us, clear up Poppy's disgusting sperm left all over the kitchen floor every day, and keep us quiet because the neighbours have been complaining.

Next week, Mommy will call Daddy and in anger, tell him to find us all new owners or she will bring us to the vet to get us put down. Mommy will have increasingly serious sleep deprivation over these two weeks and it will take a toll on her sanity. To borrow a favourite phrase of TODAY reporters: "Indeed!"

:: 241104 :: Kobi is a voyeur